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Book Review - Thanks for the Feedback

Book Review - Thanks for the Feedback

Thanks for the Feedback by Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen

 

In our series of Book Reviews, Anna Ellis reviews an exciting mix of books in the Leadership genre. This week, she reviews Thanks for the Feedback, the contemporary bestseller written by Stone and Heen.

Go on. Pick up a copy of Thanks for the Feedback, start reading and you’ll be hooked. Those ‘Aha!’ moments of insight will come at you thick and fast. Even better, the pace continues right through the entire book. When you’ve finished you’ll doubtless have added your own copious notes, exclamations and highlights in the text. Or, if you have the electronic version, you’ll have a lot of new highlights in your clippings folder. The style is crisp, the messages are clear and the content hits the mark with every point raised. You’ll probably raise your eyebrows a few times too, as you consider the messages and apply them to your own situation and the ways you behave. It’s contemporary (published 2014) and available as an ebook or in hardback. The paperback is scheduled for release next March.

The authors start with the frank acknowledgement that we all swim in an ocean of feedback. A lot of it is unwanted and not exactly complementary, so it puts our backs up and our noses out of joint. There is an empathetic understanding of what it feels like to be on the receiving end of poorly given, unsolicited or unwelcome feedback, but the primary purpose is not to commiserate with you – far from it. This book is not just a supportive mirror, but a constructive one; an honest look at why receiving feedback is hard. The authors achieve their stated aim, which is to equip their readers with a range of tools and a framework to apply, enabling people first to understand the feedback they receive and then to make decisions about what to do with it. Now, ‘framework’ and ‘tools’ may seem like management speak, but don’t be fooled – this book is set in the real world. It is the receiver – not the giver – of feedback that the authors are most interested in. In other words, it’s not for the management, it’s for all of us – this is human psychology applied to the situations we all find ourselves in.

“You finally show your professional artist friend the self-portrait you painted. At this stage of your development, what you need is a little encouragement, something along the lines of “Hey, cool. Keep working at it.” What you get instead is a list of twelve things you need to fix. We can flip this story. You showed your work to your professional artist friend because you were hoping for a list of twelve things to fix, and instead get a “Hey, cool. Keep working at it.” How is that going to help you get better?”

Stone and Heen, Thanks for the Feedback

In tone, the authors appeal to the underappreciated, taken-for-granted worker with a tendency to be cynical about authority. Yet it is beautifully balanced. So what if your boss, your colleague or your spouse is at fault? You still need to deal with the feedback you get – even if, as the sub title points out, it is off base, unfair, poorly delivered, and frankly, you’re not in the mood’. Why? Because it’s up to you to learn how to stand up for who you are and how you see the world, to learn to ask for what you need if you’re not getting it. The content all makes perfect sense, it’s absolutely unambiguous. You can’t fail to understand exactly how and why you are free to choose how to proceed. You discover this once you’ve grasped the main concept that ‘the key variable in your growth is not your teacher or your boss. It’s you’. Of course, it is sometimes difficult and uncomfortable to change, but that too is acknowledged. It is certainly never too late.

Trust me, there’s absolutely no fluffy stuff in this book. It’s factual, it’s full of relevant examples, it’s straightforward and it is simply brilliant.

Anna Ellis


About the Authors

Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen are the founders of the Triad Consulting Group and both lecture at Harvard. They have another bestseller called Difficult Conversations, How to Discuss What Matters Most.

For more information on these two brilliant individuals, click here.

 

 

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