“Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren't always comfortable, but they're never weakness.”
Brené Brown, Daring Greatly
Unless you sit right at the top of the hierarchy, there will be times when the people who are supposed to lead fail to do so. Sometimes they behave in ways that do not constitute leadership at all. We then fall foul of someone else's plot. Suddenly a secure, positively charged environment (something that we confidently invested huge amounts of our precious energy into creating) dissolves and disappears. The new situation leaves us feeling confused, hurt, foolish and exposed.
When this happens you have no choice but to deal with it. But in the heat of the moment, the positive energy that you need to take control again and make the next move simply isn't available to you. It's in times like these that Brené Brown's book Daring Greatly offers an opportunity to reflect on your options and re-engage with your future.
"Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never weakness."
Brené Brown highlights what she describes as the 'different suits of armour' she has tried on after experiencing disappointment and negative events. In an informal, accessible style, Brown offers a personal perspective in addition to her professional knowledge as a researcher, as she describes behaviour we are likely to adopt in order to prevent ourselves from becoming too engaged and too vulnerable again.
Brown puts the focus squarely on what most of us feel when things go wrong in our lives.
We are engulfed by the most powerful, most secretive and most bitter of all the emotions - shame. We self-protect when we feel ashamed in one of two ways. We might use powerful negative energy - anger, resentment, hatred, blame. Alternatively, our feelings may numb into withdrawal and while we might manage to maintain a facade of normality, at least in the work environment, the insidious spiral of depressive thinking gathers apace. In these ways we seek to protect ourselves but we markedly fail to do so.
What we need, Brown explains, is a sense of worthiness. Only this will inspire us 'to be vulnerable, to share openly, and persevere. Shame keeps us small, resentful, and afraid'.
Brown explains exactly what she means by daring greatly (the title is taken from a quote by Theodore Roosevelt). Learning to deal with uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure was a painful process for her. She admits, too, it is one she has by no means perfected. Which is helpful, as we don't need to be perfect. We do need to be engaged and committed to aligning values with action.
The key to combating shame is vulnerability. That means engaging in conversations with the right people. If you think that's impossible, the author will challenge you. But Brown doesn't pretend to have written all the answers or a perfect ending. She writes, 'Make no mistake: honest conversations about vulnerability and shame are disruptive.' And she adds that 'the reason we're not having these conversations in our organisations is that they shine light in dark corners'. Challenging the work environment does require courageous leadership. There is uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure for everyone involved.
This book offers holistic help - Brown describes situations from the workplace and from personal life. Therefore it isn't 'just' a business book, but there is a lot for leaders to take from this. It is up to each of us to define our values, align our heads and our hearts, and decide how much we want to invest in our own future. Brown is clear that daring greatly isn't about winning or losing. In a world where vulnerability is subversive we need a great deal of courage and compassion to engage with risk. But the explanations in this book give us valuable information and are likely to lead to greater insight. They have credibility provided by the author's research and reputation. This is a best seller I found both helpful and inspiring. Read it if you'd like to dare greatly; it's a great starting point.
Anna Ellis
About the Author
Brené Brown, the author of the bestseller Daring Greatly, is a research professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work.
She has also founded The Daring Way, which is a teaching and certification program to help professionals who want to promote her work on vulnerability, worthiness, courage and shame.
With her TED Talks on the power of vulnerability gaining the status of one of the most watched talks (15 million views!) on TED.com, as well as other popular TEDtalks, she really understands the power of these four elements and how they work.
For more information on Brené, The Daring Way, and her other bestsellers, click here.
